A Peek at Narrative Therapy
Picture Melissa: A third grade girl who has her first ever oral book report due in two days’ time. She has never done an oral report of this magnitude before, so she is already feeling a little bit nervous about standing in front of 25 of her peers. She has already read the book and written her report, but deep down, she is not excited about reading her report to her class, for she feels that the book she has read (which was assigned by her teacher) is not nearly as entertaining as some of the previous books she has read in her life, thus she finds it difficult to visualize her report ‘grabbing’ the attention of her 25 peers when she reads it to them in the coming days. The realization that she is reporting on a ‘boring’ book combined with the fact that this is her first ever ‘5 minute presentation’ in front of such a large group, is starting to tie her stomach in knots.
On the day of her report, as predicted, her nerves are churning at an all-time high. As predicted, her report to the class comes off flat and mundane, and the non-entertaining nature of what she has written and just read aloud is felt by all in the room. She is not only extremely disappointed about the ‘content’ she has just reported on, but also the ‘appearance’ she has presented – as a nervous wreck of a person, stumbling to get the boring words out of her mouth. This experience causes her significant mental trauma, and she begins to dread every book report she is assigned for the next fifteen years of school. This dread then turns to nervousness on the days of the reports, and thus, the cycle continues for years.
After finishing school (at age 23) Melissa finds herself in her therapist office discussing an exciting job she has just been offered: “Yes, I am excited about the job itself, and the opportunity it presents, but some of my duties will be to report quarterly profits at business meetings, and I ‘am not good with oral reports – never have been.’ So to tell you the truth, I’m not sure how long I will last there, and really I sometimes wonder if I should even be taking this job considering how terrible I am at performing in front of a group. I should probably just find a job that is more ‘me’”.
Here’s Melissa’s problem: She is simply stuck in a false narrative.
Mellissa is now 23 years old, reporting to her therapist that she ‘is shy speaking in front of groups’. What she does not remember (because she was 8 years old at the time) was the fact that in her first bad experience, she was forced to report on a book she did not like. What she does not remember now 15 years later, is that a year prior to this bad experience - when she was 7 years old, there had been a couple of instances where she had presented projects to her class, and because of her interest in the topic at hand - had produced interesting oral reports which she was proud of when she finished.
What Melissa didn’t know (here at age 23) was that she had all the tools and all of the necessary ‘raw’ abilities to be an effective public speaker, but because of her bad experience, and the intense emotions it conjured up, she began “Telling herself a different story” starting at age 8. Years passed and yet this “story” persisted and intruded into her thoughts until it became part of her internal narrative. “I am not good at speaking in front of people,” - this had become her own personal story.
We hear so much these days in pop-psychology - about ‘changing the way you think about certain situations in the present moment’. But sometimes too much focus on the present moment causes us to lose sight of the big picture – the picture that we have created for ourselves through narrative. Everyone’s life – although yes, is made up of momentary cognitions and emotions – are oftentimes dictated by a much bigger picture. Most of these momentary cognitions and emotions we have, are in some way related to the bigger ‘story’ we are telling ourselves about our own life. Moreover, our daily behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and actions are actually originating out of the ‘narrative story’ we have placed ourselves in, thus we oftentimes ‘act’ and ‘think’ in ways which supports this original narrative – this story which we have placed upon ourselves – no matter how true or false that story may be.
Back to Melissa: In Melissa’s case, the narrative is false. She actually has all of the ‘raw tools’ to become a great communicator in front of a group. In fact before the incident when she was 8, she had been able to speak in front of groups quite happily. She has a good personality, is good with words, and has some original ideas which could be shared with her coworkers. But she is unaware that it is the ‘narrative’ which is causing her problems, not the ‘act of speaking’. She is also unaware (because it was so long ago) that if she had never been forced to report on a ‘boring book’ back when she was 8 years old, this negative narrative may never have gotten off the ground.
All Melissa really needs now is to figure out that her internal narrative is unfair, and unwarranted, and shouldn’t be allowed to take up so much space in her personal identity. If Melissa has a good narrative therapist, she will likely evolve into the confident speaker she has always been capable of becoming. With the help of her therapist, she will likely identify the places in her life when she began to develop this ‘false narrative’ and will then begin to take action to begin to form the ‘new narrative’
Narrative therapy cannot account for all of life’s obstacles. For example, some people are quite simply not good at singing, or are not gifted athletically, and should not go out of their way to engage in such activities, but most of life’s activities don’t involve a simplistic, one-dimensional act such as these. Most activities involve a complex, intertwining dynamic between thought, emotion, and social behavior, and in many cases, people misjudge their own abilities by unknowingly living in a false narrative which may have developed for unsubstantiated reasons. And in worse cases, some might even begin to falsely form identity components based on a false narrative. “I am not a people person”, or “I am not capable of being a leader” – are two examples of potentially unfair narratives which could be eroding someone’s identity.
Not in all cases, but in many cases the negative narrative can be challenged and changed. In most cases, there are two options to challenge this potentially false narrative: 1. A person may be able to find other instances in their lives which did not fit in with this negative story (times when the narrative was untrue). Or 2. People may decide to actively challenge the narrative by placing themselves in new situations which give themselves a chance to overtly change the narrative. Both options are valid and worthy of exploration, and when done right, have the potential to cast out the old narrative and welcome in the new.